


I Want You So Bad I Can't Breathe

by cloudkin



Category: Wandersong (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, NB Lesbian Bard, Slow Burn, Trans Miriam, miriam is also bi and also i love her
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-12-26 17:37:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18287057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudkin/pseuds/cloudkin
Summary: The first time Kiwi saw Miriam, it was like a note got stuck in their throat that they just couldn’t sing. The first time Miriam saw Kiwi, a wrinkle formed between her brows that never went away.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> howdy! im tryin to get back into writing and of course i had to write about these two. i havent stopped thinking about them since i finished the game and like... you know how it is! idk how long this fic is gonna end up but for now ive got at least a thousand words and i hope yall enjoy!

Miriam moved into the dorm room first, early in the morning. She had bid her grandmother goodbye, packed two big suitcases full of nearly all her belongings, and taken two trips on her moped back and forth from her house to the campus. The only decorations she put up was a short string of fairy lights, a trans flag, and a singular calendula she has been raising since she was younger. Her bed was arranged and made, her laptop put upon her desk, and any school supplies put into drawers. She knew in about a week her side of the room would be a mess, but for now she could keep up the charade of being neat and tidy.  
She sat around the dorm for a bit before deciding to get her books for class. She couldn’t have been gone for more than an hour, but she returned to absolute chaos. Her roommate had arrived, and with them, her life would never know peace again.

The first time Miriam saw Kiwi, pink hair peeking from under their hat, singing along to music really loud, trying their hardest to hang up their collection of band posters, a wrinkle formed between her brows that never went away. She cleared her throat, the dorm entrance door slamming behind her on accident, causing Kiwi to whip around.  
The first time Kiwi saw Miriam, it was like a note got stuck in their throat that they just couldn’t sing. She was taller than them, dyed blue hair with dark roots showing. Her face was soft around the edges yet still angular, like- like an elf, or something. She tucked a piece of hair behind an ear, and Kiwi saw all the piercings she had. At least six, maybe seven. They offered their hand to shake. “Hi! I’m Kiwi! It’s nice to meet you!” She didn’t take the hand.  
“Miriam,” was all she replied. Kiwi paused, rolling the name around in their head, before nodding.  
“It’s nice to meet you!” They said again, before laughing a little. “Sorry, I said that already, didn’t I? Well, either way, it really is nice to meet you!” Miriam didn’t reply, and turned away from them. Kiwi shrugged and did the same, piling all of their bedding onto the cheap dorm mattress they were given. They turned to say more to Miriam, but she had headphones in, and was unpacking her books onto her desk. Feeling a little embarrassed, Kiwi turned off their bluetooth speaker, and finished unpacking in silence.

Nearly the instant that Kiwi left to get their school books, Miriam was already on the phone with her grandmother, telling her everything she could think.  
“Their name’s Kiwi- what kind of name is Kiwi?” Miriam vented, looking at the other half of the room that wasn’t hers. Kiwi somehow had brought enough stuff to furnish an entire mansion, it seemed; a baker’s dozen pillows, an army of stuffed animals, even a bookshelf or two, and all of the instruments- do they really play that many instruments? “I don’t know if I can do this, Gran. They seem like such an extrovert. I’ll end up killing either them or myself before the end of the year.”  
That final exaggeration gave Grandma Sapphy quite the laugh. “I think it’ll be good for you,” she advised, “Like the sun to your moon, the ying to your yang. This is a big change for you, Miriam. Maybe you should see what happens?”  
Miriam sighed and rolled her eyes, knowing better than to argue with her grandmother. She hated how right she usually was. “Alright… but if I get too annoyed I’ll try to get a different roommate. No buts about it!”

Somehow, Kiwi had talked Miriam into going to the dining hall together. The walk was fairly quiet, save for Kiwi humming some random song. They walked side by side, both of them thinking fervently about the other. Kiwi’s mind fluttered with compliment after compliment they could give Miriam if only their mouth worked; Miriam was begging Kiwi to stop humming and be quiet for even just a second. They arrived at the cafeteria and began grabbing whatever food they could, before sitting across from each other. Kiwi nodded appreciatively at Miriam’s piled up salad, while Miriam eyed Kiwi’s choice of two burgers and two slices of pizza.  
“So…” Kiwi started, trying to make conversation. “Where are you from?”  
“Here.”  
“Like, in town? That’s so cool!” They gushed, beaming. Miriam took a stab at her salad, shoving it into her mouth grumpily. “I came from a few hours away; my mom dropped me off. If you live so close why are you staying in the dorms? Not that that’s a bad thing, I think you’re great company so far!” Miriam looked up at Kiwi, who was watching her expectantly, waiting for her reply. She raised her eyebrows.  
“I dunno, I guess I wanted the full university experience.”  
“That’s great! I can definitely see why; the campus is really pretty! What are you thinking about studying?”  
“Uh… Chemistry. Horticulture. Geology. I don’t know quite yet… Science-y stuff.”  
“Really? Cool! I was never great at science, but…”  
The end of dinner really couldn’t come soon enough.

They started classes a few days later, and with that they didn’t see each other as often. Kiwi threw themself into their music classes and extracurriculars, leaving Miriam to her classes and a fair amount of solitude. Much to Kiwi’s joy and Miriam’s dismay, the two became a little closer, even having conversations outside of the dining hall. Kiwi was the one who asked all the questions, giving their own answer after learning Miriam’s.   
Miriam hated to acknowledge the fact that Kiwi was growing on her in a weird, amicable way. She usually stayed away from others, seeking solitude and only really talking to her grandmother. Sapphy had been hearing from her less and less as the weeks go by.  
Things changed a bit when Miriam came back to the dorm from grabbing some groceries to Kiwi dejectedly curled up in bed, sniffling. A part of her begged her to just ignore them; it wasn’t her problem. But another part of her, a more sympathetic and gentle part, made her ask, “Are you okay?”  
“My parents are getting divorced.” Was all they said, ashamed to be showing so much negative emotion in front of Miriam. They supposed it would happen eventually, but after only knowing each other for three weeks… Though they live together, this sort of vulnerability could be damaging to their friendship.  
Miriam couldn’t relate. Her parents had been out of the picture since she was a child. They wanted nothing to do with her. Still, as if subconsciously, she moved towards Kiwi’s bed, putting a sympathetic hand on Kiwi’s shoulder. Her sympathy just about vanished when Kiwi leaned down and wrapped their arms around her shoulders, letting loose a small sob. Miriam grimaced, patting Kiwi’s back a little harshly. She wasn’t a woman of many words, so she said nothing as Kiwi vented. Dad worked too much, barely made time for Mom, and Mom just couldn’t take it anymore. It sounded so cliche. ‘This is why I prefer women,’ Miriam thought.  
“I shouldn’t be surprised,” Kiwi said, “I mean, he’s always been like this. I always knew how unhappy he made Mom, it’s why I never wanted to date men.”  
“You don’t like men?” Miriam found herself saying. That made Kiwi snort.  
“Well, I mean, yeah. Do I look like I enjoy the company of men? They can be nice sometimes, but I’m such a lesbian it’s- it’s unbelievable.” They replied.  
‘Oh,’ was all Miriam could think.  
“Oh,” was all Miriam could say.  
After that, Kiwi cheered up a little, and the two eventually went to get some dinner. Miriam couldn’t stop thinking about how Kiwi liked girls. Kiwi liked girls, just like Miriam. She hadn’t met someone else who wasn’t straight before. Something about it made her cheeks warm up, but she ignored it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow these are comin out pretty quickly... i still dont know much about the story besides i want them to be fools lol

Kiwi was, frankly, doing their best trying to not act like a lovesick fool in front of Miriam. They had a tendency to fall for any woman who gave them the time of day, even if the woman in question was very moody and distant. Kiwi felt like a puppy at a pet store, sitting impatiently, waiting to be seen and loved, while Miriam was looking at fish tanks. It was a little embarrassing, but it was the truth!  
Even worse, while they were away from Miriam, their thoughts strayed to her; how her classes were going, what she was wearing that day, whether they’d go to dinner together tonight or if Miriam would make some sort of excuse-  
“Kiwi? Are you paying attention?” Kiwi snapped out of their thoughts when Manny addressed them, reminding them that they’re at band practice with their group.  
“Oh! Yes! Sorry, what were you saying?”  
“We need to arrive at the performance center about thirty minutes early, so we can go over our setlist before we go onstage,” Manny repeated. “Does that work for you?”  
Kiwi nodded. “Yeah! That should be fine!” They paused, before asking, “Are we… allowed to invite other people?”  
“I mean, I would hope so. I’m inviting everyone on my floor,” Viola replied smugly.  
“I wouldn’t mind if our audience was lacking…” Clara said, anxiously bouncing their leg.  
“Why? You want to invite your crush?” Manny joked, laughing when Kiwi’s face turned red.  
“M-maybe!” They said. “I don’t know if she’d really be interested, though… but it wouldn’t hurt to ask, right? What’s the worst that could happen?”  
“...She laughs in your face,” Clara answered, “and then asks to switch rooms and you never see her again.” Kiwi blanched.  
“Oh, please. As if anyone would say no to you. You’re an absolute angel,” Viola rolled her eyes. “I’m sure she’ll come.”

Soon enough, practice was over, and Kiwi returned to their dorm to find Miriam reviewing flashcards for her final. Their first semester was nearly over; Kiwi should probably do the same. They held a flyer for the performance in their hands, and took a breath. Better now than never.  
“Hey, Miriam? I, uh,” Kiwi started, hesitating as Miriam looked up from her cards without moving her head, “I wanted to know if you’d like to come to my performance tomorrow? It’s for my final, and it starts at, well- you can actually just have this.” Kiwi held out the flyer, which Miriam took, looking over it pensively. “You don’t have to come if you’re not interested. It’s up to you! I only thought I’d ask because I know you like music and it might be fun! I don’t know what your finals schedule is like, though I assume you have at least one, because you’re studying right now, but-”  
“I’ll go if it’ll get you to quit rambling the way you are,” Miriam cut them off, nearly glaring at them. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to stay until the end, because I have a final right after, but I’ll try to make it.” She had no idea what came over her to agree; Kiwi’s singing in the shower tended to annoy her, and their singing in their sleep really annoyed her, even if their voice was pretty good. But it was too late to go back now.  
Kiwi barely heard anything past ‘I’ll go.’ Their heart was hammering in their chest, and their face was glowing. Their smile was at a billion watts, dimples appearing on their cheeks.  
Miriam looked away. “Quit smiling like that.”  
“Like what?”  
“Like I just offered to pay your tuition!”  
Kiwi laughed, knowing that Miriam just offered them more than that; she had turned to look at the pet display.

The band, comprised of a drummer, a violinist, an accordion player, and Kiwi, was… Amazing. Miriam was in awe, flabbergasted, as she listened to the four of them play together. Watching Kiwi perform was intense; Miriam felt like the tide when pulled by the moon.  
Little did she know, the performance was entirely for her. Something changed in how Kiwi usually sang when they saw that Miriam had came. If Manny and the others noticed (they did), they didn’t comment, sharing a few proud smiles between each other. They knew they were getting A’s. Miriam, however, ended up being a few minutes late to her final.

After that, Miriam started consistently coming to the dining hall with Kiwi, much to their delight. It only lasted for a few days, seeing as the semester was over for winter break and people were starting to head back to their homes for the holidays.  
“Are you going to go back to your grandma’s?” Kiwi asked at the end of the week.  
“Yeah.”  
“Nice!”  
When they didn’t continue or add anymore to their reply, Miriam broke their usual routine. “What, uh, what about you?”  
Kiwi gave a small laugh and a shrug. “I don’t know yet. Stuff at home is hectic considering everything, and I’d have to bus or take the train, maybe. It’s still up in the air.”  
Miriam didn’t reply, turning her focus to her food. They ate in silence, and Miriam thought about inviting them to come with her to Grandma Sapphy’s, but ultimately held back.  
When Miriam packed up a backpack and bid Kiwi farewell, she thought again about inviting them, but brushed it off, embarrassed at the thought of Kiwi on her moped, arms wrapped around her waist tightly. It’d be uncomfortable for all parties involved.  
Nevertheless, Kiwi said their goodbyes, ready to settle in for hibernation.

The final straw was when Miriam awoke from a dream involving Kiwi. She dreamt of staying up all night with them, laughing with them, holding their hand, embracing them- Her eyes snapped open, and she put her hands against her face. Warm. Very, very warm. The exact details of the dream faded, but the feelings it brought forth remained.  
She had been feeling like she was missing something, and in this dream, she found it.  
She called Kiwi. It took a few rings for them to answer, and when they did, it was with a sleepy, “Hello?”  
“It’s Miriam.” She could hear them perk up, the sound of the bed creaking as they sat up. She assumed, at least. She felt a little guilty for waking them up, but that feeling disappeared.  
“Miriam?” Kiwi repeated. This was the first time Miriam’s ever, ever called them. They had exchanged numbers their first day of living together, but nothing ever came of it, really. They cleared their throat, beginning to grin. They had missed talking to her. “What’s up?”  
“Are you still at the dorm?”  
“Yeah? Did you forget something?”  
“No. Are you going back to your parents for the break?”  
“I, uh... I don’t think so. Not at this point.”  
“Come over.”  
Kiwi couldn’t believe their ears. Their heart leapt into their mouth; with any reply it could come tumbling out onto their lap. “Come… over?”  
“I mean,” Miriam switched the phone from one ear to the other, “If you want to. We have a guest room, and I’m sure Gran would be fine with the extra company.”  
“Is there a bus line nearby?” Kiwi asked eagerly, getting out of bed to dump out their backpack of old school papers to fill it with clothes. Miriam put a hand to her forehead, remembering that Kiwi doesn’t have any personal transportation.  
“Uh… No. I can come pick you up? If that works?” Neither of them could hear it, but both of their hearts were hammering, afraid that the other could hear them thinking about the same thing; Kiwi and Miriam on her moped. Together. Touching each other for an extended period of time.  
“T-that works!” Kiwi replied. “Give me an hour.”  
“Two? I need to shower.”  
“Two, then! I’ll see you soon!”  
“Yeah. Uh, bye.”  
“Bye!”  
Miriam flopped back, holding her phone in a vice grip. Bard let a laugh trickle out of them, doing a tiny little happy dance before hastily packing almost all their clothes and hopping into the shower.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is short.. ive been invested in sailor moon and mob psycho ghsjdifjj next chapter will be up quicker!

The drive back to Grandma Sapphy’s was not what either of them expected. Miriam had never had another person on her moped, and, well, Kiwi wasn’t exactly a beanpole.  
“S-sorry! About, uh, this.” Kiwi apologized, self consciousness hitting them like a wrecking ball. Miriam shrugged, still feeling warm from the arms wrapped around her waist, hands resting on her stomach, one on top the other. She felt Kiwi lay their head on her back, and tried to cover up her goosebumps.  
“It’s alright. I invited you to come over.” That wasn’t what Kiwi was apologizing for, but they didn’t correct Miriam.  
The ride took about ten minutes longer than it usually does, and the both of them were nearly popsicles by the time they pulled into the garage.  
“Be cool,” Miriam warned. “She can be… eccentric.” They entered from the garage to the kitchen, where they were hit with warmth and the smell of sugar cookies.  
“Miriam? Is that you?” From around the counter, a short old lady glanced at the duo before clapping eagerly. “I just pulled cookies out of the oven, they’re still a little hot but I wanted to make a good impression on your dear roommate!” She hobbled over to Kiwi and gave them a good look over. “Well, aren’t you just the cutest thing!”  
Kiwi flushed. “T-thank you ma’am! My name’s Kiwi!”  
“No need to introduce yourself, dear. I’ve heard a lot about you!” After this comment, it was Miriam’s turn to turn red.  
“Please don’t embarrass me, Grandma.”  
“Oh, I would never! Now, Kiwi, go put your things into wherever you’re sleeping, and come back to help decorate cookies, you two!” Miriam grabbed Kiwi by the wrist to pull them out of the kitchen, but once she realized what she was doing, she yanked her hand back as if she had been burnt.  
“Uh,” She coughed, “this way.”  
Upon entering Miriam’s room, Kiwi looked around at a collection of things, from plants to books to children’s toys to bottles of… unknown liquids.  
“Sorry, we don’t have another room... I have a trundle bed, though,” Miriam explained, kicking her shoes off and waiting for Kiwi to follow suit. “Also, sorry for the clutter.”  
“It’s alright! It’s-” Perfect, Kiwi almost said. “It’s what I expected.”  
“Really?”  
“I-I mean, yeah! It looks nice and it matches your aesthetic very well.”  
“Oh. Well, thanks.”  
They stood in silence, looking at each other. Kiwi’s hair had grown since when they first met, pink curls resting on their neck and cheeks. The rings under both of their eyes from school-related stress had lessened up. They both thought the other looked nice.  
“Hello? You two? Don’t make me come in there!” Sapphy called, springing Kiwi and Miriam into action. They left the room quickly, and spent the rest of the night talking with Grandma Sapphy and frosting cookies.  
Soon enough, it was bedtime. Grandma Sapphy had turned in for the night, leaving the pair to sit in Miriam’s room, lit up by street lights outside and the occasional car passing by.  
“... Why did you invite me over?” Kiwi asked quietly. They were on the pull out mattress that came from under Miriam’s bed, wearing a shirt and some briefs. Miriam was above them, on her bed. She didn’t look at them, instead picturing their face as she thought.  
“I didn’t want you to be alone, I guess.” She replied. “Why did you say yes?”  
“Why wouldn’t I have said yes?” Miriam didn’t answer. “... I’ve never consistently slept in the same room as someone else before. I mean, there are some tricky things about sharing a room but… I like it. I think I’ve gotten used to sharing a room with you to the point that I don’t like being there alone. If that makes sense.”  
“Me neither,” Miriam found herself saying, before flopping down under the covers and burying her face under her pillow. She mumbled something, but Kiwi couldn’t hear her.  
“What?”  
“I…” Her voice was quiet, almost inaudible. “I like having you around. I haven’t been able to sleep. That was one of the more selfish reasons for inviting you over.”  
“You think that having me here will help you sleep?” Miriam didn’t reply, feeling like she just said the most embarrassing thing in the whole planet. She thought she was going to die right then and there. “... If it’s any consolation, I haven’t been sleeping well either. Sleeping around you is easier than sleeping alone, y’know?”  
Miriam sighed, nodding. “I know.”  
They didn’t say anything more after that. A question loomed over both of their heads: what will happen when the school year is over?


End file.
